Wait, my organic/vegan/local meal isn’t good for me?!

I had a friend who would buy cookies and sugary juice drinks from Whole Foods and then wonder out loud why she wasn’t losing weight. You know the type… Salad with extra containers of heavy cream dressing, sugary water drinks, etc. I finally just grumbled “Dude, just cause it’s organic doesn’t mean it’s healthy.”

The look on her face was priceless. It was like she had no freaking clue.

Fast forward to now.  I am that person.  I’m going to be the fattest person who lives off of organic, seafood, vegetarian, vegan, or local foods.  And yeah, this is just a blathering blabbery post.

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I totally indulge in regular helpings of dairy-free ice cream and think “sooo much better for me than real ice cream!” And I say helpings because I help myself to the entire container with a spoon. One of my besties and I discussed this… They wouldn’t be made in small (fit in the palm of your hand) containers if they weren’t meant to be held and used as a bowl,right?

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Organic. Dark chocolate. Words that are often used when talking about living a better life. So why the hell isn’t it acceptable for me to keep eating dark chocolate covered pretzels for breakfast? Oh, they’re loaded with saturated fat. Crap. Beware, if you continue reading you may gain weight. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Do you see how that “cheese” melts and stretches, just like the package says? How do you resist that? Especially when the package says cholesterol free! Ignore the fact that over 60% of the calories come from FAT. It may be fake cheese, but end of the day… it’s still fatty, oily, sodiumy chz. Cheese is the reason I could NEVER be a vegan. Give me goat cheese and warm artisan bread and I am a happy noodle.

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Seeing that hot melty cheese brings up a good point too. How many of the nutrients am I steaming, baking, toasting, or roating out of these so-called good foods?

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Popcorn. Don’t even lecture me about this. I’ve heard it all… rip up your guts… unable to be digested… sits in your intestinal passage past death… Good cows are grassfed, not cornfed… blah blah blah

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And finally… Beer, glorious beer. I’m not even going to justify why beer is not good for you, but something about drinking local or craft beers makes me feel like I’m doing my part. Somehow…

So, I guess the lesson here is that no matter what your dietary restrictions or limitations, those golden rules always apply…

  1. Eat lots of fruits and veggies
  2. Calories IN, calories OUT
  3. Don’t skip breakfast
  4. Stop the mindless munching
  5. Move your ass
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