My Invisible Dog Ate My Sweater [Recipe]

I have nothing to wear.

I need to go shopping.

I don’t even have the right shoooooeeesss! (yes, I say it like that, generally while laying on the floor of the closet)


See that empty spot on the carpet?  That is reserved for my moping clothing days.  Bryan knows this and keeps it clear at all times.


It’s on days like that when I’m just angry at every article of clothing nearby.  Sometimes you gain weight and nothing fits, then you lose weight and nothing fits again. Or when the weather is amazing and you’re forced to head out the door in a jacket, sweater, and boots to compensate for too much cold air blowing on your head in officeland. But the worst is when you have the outfit for the day, then you look in the mirror and see your favorite clothingstapleitem has holes (yes, mine had multiple holes) from having it for too long!


Clothing should last forever. My favorite yellow tenny’s (that I am wearing TODAY) with the holes would be hole-less, my grey sweater would not look like I chewed on it, and the seamstress wouldn’t roll their eyes every time I bring in the same sweater to get repaired. Yeah yeah yeah, petty problems, I know. But I’m sure everlasting clothing could solve other worldly problems too. Like how the everlasting gobstopper in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was supposed to stop people from starving…

So, after a day of feeling like a homeless fat guy in a little coat, what’s better than a comfort meal that makes you feel like a little kid that just came home to someone that loves you and slaved in the kitchen for you? Well, that’s my cherry on top of a bad day… Even if I’m the one cooking myself a meal. I’ve got love for myself, that counts, right?

My comfort foods include beer, bread, noodles, wine, ice cream, and crumble toppings. If there was nutritional value in any of those things, I would be a happy fat girl. But a bad day means that nutrition doesn’t exist and my dinner would be mac and yease, beer, and a dairy-free coconut balsamic strawberry “ice cream”. Take THAT muffin top!


Spicy Mac and Yease (vegan)
1⁄2 c vegan “butter” (I use Earth Balance sticks)
1⁄2 c flour
3 1/2c boiling water
1 c nutritional yeast
1 1⁄2 tsp salt
1 1⁄2 tsp garlic powder
Pinch turmeric
*Pinch of cayenne
*1 tbsp red pepper flakes
2 tbsp soy sauce
1⁄2 to 1 tbsp mustard
Macaroni noodles

*If you don’t want it spicy, or are cooking for little ones, just reduce the red pepper flakes and cayenne or void all together.

Preheat oven to 400.

Boil macaroni and drain when noodles are not quite finished.

In a sautee pan melt butter over low heat. Beat in flour with wire whisk. Continue to beat until smooth and bubbly. Whip in 3 1⁄2 c boiling water. (NOTE: We have one of those electric kettles and it’s amazing and totally helps in situations like this when you need boiling water quick) Add salt, garlic powder, turmeric, cayenne, pepper flakes, soy sauce, and mustard. Let sauce cook until it bubbles and thickens. Add yeast. If sauce is too thick, add more water. Stir in noodles until they are well coated.

At this point you really could just serve it as-is, but I like my mac to be covered in a crispy crunchy coat. Pour your mac mixture into an oven safe dish, sprinkle with panko, bake uncovered until panko is slightly browned and casserole is bubbling. About 20-25 minutes.