Cookie failure

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Cookies… Salt… Fresh baked goods for a neighborly party to make new friends… Delightful smells from a kitchen on a sunny day…

Sounds pretty wonderful, doesn’t it? Well, I can tell you that is NOT how it always goes down. I’m not trying to be Debbie Downer, but most of the time I can trust a recipe and just go with it and I get decent results. This was the first massive failure in my kitchen and it turned me into one hell of a grouch for the afternoon. Please feel my bitterness as you take a journey through the cookie failure.

We had a party to attend and I wanted to bring something manly for a dessert. Probably something with alcohol, so the easy choice was to bring alcohol infused cupcakes; however the host informed me that someone else was already bringing cupcakes. So I sifted through other manly things that I could incorporate into baked goods and landed on potato chips, cause really, what’s better than a salty and sweet treat?

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My recipe box is always overloaded and I happened to have a potato chip cookie recipe that I had been saving to try. SCORE for me and the mouths I was attempting to impress.

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Like normal, I spent the entire morning and half the afternoon laying around cleaning the house and before I knew it we had one hour to get to the party and I hadn’t even started the cookies. First mistake. Luckily, I was semi-prepared with my softened butter, smashed potato chips, and my pecans were even toasted and chopped.

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As I started to combine everything, life in the kitchen went downhill rapidly. The cookie dough looked more like the bottle of nutritional yeast I recently bought… Did I miss an ingredient? Did I read something wrong? In my state of panic, I tried adding a little more oil, water, milk… Nothing was making the stupid dough bind correctly!

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My angry-self said “Make it work, woman!” so I smashed the dough in my hands as hard as I could and watched it crumble as it baked. The kitchen smelled delicious, but the cookies were an absolute fail. I took them out of the oven and watched them crumble in my hand as I jammed the crumbs in my mouth.  Luckily the crumbs tasted pretty good!

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Unfortunately, crumbs don’t really impress people, so I cracked open a bottle, knocked back a few swigs, and went to my default dark chocolate red wine cookies.  Magically, I was able to survive cookie failure, make presentable cookies, AND make it to the party only an hour late….  Fashionably late…  Had I planned my cooking Sunday better, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Or maybe the lesson here is “don’t test a recipe when hungry mouths are depending on it.”

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